A Hero's Advice Column
by siriusly chibi
Summary: Alfred, being the hero, is here to solve your problems and save the day!
1. Chapter 1

Dudes and dudettes!

How are you guys doin'? So, earlier I saw that Gilbert was doing this advice blog and dude, that is so not cool! I'm the hero, I should be the first to help the world and all of my amazing fans! But, whatever. I am here now to save you from your problems and Prussia's not-as-awesome-as-mine advice! All you have to do is send me a letter and I'll reply super fast, like the hero I am and Gilbert is not. No problem too big, no problem too small, the HERO is here to answer them all! Ha, and Iggy said my poetry stinks.

Alfred F Jones (America)

**Hello everyone! Sorry for the short intro. The replies will be longer, I promise.**

**I was initially going to do this with the awesome Königreich Pruβen, but apparently lots of people beat me to it. Not that I don't adore Alfred, I'm just better at 'being' Gilbo.**

**So just review with your problems, and I'll reply as soon as I can! Meaning if I don't it's because I am grounded or something. Meh. You can ask as an OC, yourself, or as another nation, and questions and any pairings are welcome, as long as they are kept at T rating. Don't ask if you are afraid that Alfred will disagree though ;)**

**When your advice goes up, I'll PM you to let you know.**

**I do not own Hetalia.**

**~Chibi**


	2. Advice 1

**Heyy people! How is everybody? I am actually shocked at the number of people who reviewed… Not that I don't love it, I'm just… surprised! Thanks everyone, and keep them coming!**

**I do not own Hetalia.**

_**Alfred!**__****_

_**Mate! What's up!**__****_

_**Mel here!**__****_

_**Ok, I have a bit of a problem, and I don't know if you could help me, but... I**__**  
**__**think I might have fallen in love...**__****_

_**With one of your cities... DON'T TELL HIM!**__****_

_**...It's NY. I- might have fallen for him, but I have no idea how to tell him**__**  
**__**or ANYthing!**__****_

_**I thought you could help, seeing as you know him best and stuff...**__****_

_**Please write back soon!**__****_

_**Seeya!**__****_

_**~Melanie Flinders**__****_

_**The City of Mebourne**__****_

_**((Mel and NY are both OCs of mine... Make up whatever you want about NY, he's**__**  
**__**only half-done.))**_

Heyy, dudette! I haven't seen you in AGES! :D

NY? Seriously? Woa, that guy gets some love.

Ok, my advice: YOU HAVE TO STAND OUT! Like I said above, he gets lots of love, and if he doesn't notice and remember you, you have no chance. Big, bright things are awesome and he loves them. And not everyone knows this, but he's a big sucker for musicals, art and architecture. The dude's obsessed. You didn't hear that from me though, right? It'd be pretty unawesome if he turned up at his pop's door with his shotgun in his hand, loaded and pointed at my head.

Just Googled your home, and it's awesome! You should bring him out to see some of those awesome buildings of yours. If all goes well… well, I'll leave that to you to decide ;)

~Alfred

_**Dear Alfred,**__****_

_**I need to get rid of my stalker she's a total creeper too. She pops out of no**__**  
**__**where and stares at me. So any advice?**__****_

_**Stabby**_

Hi dudette.

Uhh, stalker? No fun. If ignoring her gets you nowhere, maybe take different routes to your classes or wherever she stalks you. Confuse her and try get her off your track. If that also doesn't work, Tell an adult or someone who can confront it. Or do it yourself if you wanna.

~Alfred

_**Dear "Hero"**__****_

_**I need...relationship advice. there is thiss guy that I am rather fond of but**__**  
**__**he seems uninterested. We also get into fights sometimes. Do you know how I**__**  
**__**could speak to him without fighting?**__****_

_**-UnicornTea**__****_

_**((Yes this is Arthur. XD))**_

UnicornTea… Unicorn… Tea… HEY ARTIE! Awesomee~

Uhh… Those fights you have are the perfect excuse to get emotional. Tell whoever it is when you are. If they respond badly, blame it on confusion. If they take it well, hug them! ^_^

~Arthur

_**Hero,**__****_

_**1. Couldn't you have picked a better codename? We all know who you are.**__****_

_**2. How do I get people to listen to me?**__****_

_**3. ...errrm...there is a girl that I like...do you have any advice?**__****_

_**-James K Jones (Delaware)**_

Delaware… You're one of my awesome kids, right?

Now for my awesome advice!

Codename? Hero is an awesome codename!

Not the way the Muslim terrorists did on 9/11. Keep talking to people and try to get them to listen. If they don't, tug on their sleeve or something. Remember that you're my son, not Mattie's

Ohh, You like someone? WHO? Come on, you can tell daddy~ … Ok, just get her to notice you, spend lots of time with her and make her feel special. Good luck!

~Alfred

**Um Hi America!******

**I WAS gonna go to Gilbert's column but then I saw yours and you're just way****  
****cooler. Anyway, I have a problem.******

**Kay, here goes, don't laugh.(BTW i'm British)******

**I like this guy right... I mean really like. But we both share the SAME NAME!****  
****For example: my name is Sam so is his. Awkard or what! Anyway my friends laugh****  
****at me when I talk to him. Please help me out, America! This british girl think****  
****you're way more awsome than Prussia! And you're the Hero!******

**AquaGrace******

**(To Author: This was a brilliant idea)**

Hi … Sam?

Of course I'm way cooler. I am the hero.

Haha, I do remember that Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner were dating for a while. They used nicknames to get over the awkwardness. Maybe you could try that.

~Alfred

(Thank you ^_^)


	3. Advice 2

**Dear Alfred,******

**Pirates or ninjas?******

**That is all.******

**-A. Nonny Moss**

Pirates or Ninjas? Wow, tough one… On one hand, without pirates I would have grown up not knowing anyone, and Iggy looks pretty darn sexy in his pirate outfit, on the other hand, ninjas are all awesome and… and… ninja like. It would have been awesome to see Japan as a ninja… … on second thought, maybe not. He was bad enough when it came to bonzi attacks.

To answer your question, I have no idea. It would easily be ninjas if Arthur didn't look so sexy in that outfit…

~Alfred

**Alfred,******

**I need some advice obviously. Well there's a problem between me and a boy.****  
****Aaaaargh! I hate writing this. I hate you Alfred. Well not really. I like****  
****uhhhh.. someone but he's so cold to me and emotionless but he's really nice****  
****once you get to know him. I am starting to like him but it's just too****  
****confusing. HELP ME!******

**~Cambodia******

**(Okay the guy is Hong Kong. I just have a really bad fan girl crush on him for****  
****no reason. Cambodia is an OC I roleplay.)**

Why did you say you hate me?

If he's really nice when you get to know him, why don't you? Ask him to go somewhere with you once a week or something. Like a club or night class or something?

Id offer you good luck, but 'cause you said you hate me…

~Alfred

_(AN: Cold, emotionless and nice? I guessed lol)_

**Yo Hero-dude!******

**What's up? Never mind, I don't really care. Anyways, I have a problem. Well,****  
****maybe it not as big a problem as some other problems here but it's still like****  
****a problem. I can't figure out what to write you for this column.******

**So should I:******

**A. throw tacos at you until I get an idea******

**B. have france take pictures of you while your sleeping, (so I can ask you****  
****what I can use my new blackmail for)******

**C. Have an awesome party and invite every nation except you just to ** you****  
****off, (this one's just for my enjoyment)******

**D. Find a cure for cancer.******

**Any suggestions? –Randomness**

Duuuuude, so mean! Not A, not B, not C, how 'bout D?

~Alfred

**Yo America!******

**So I kind of have this problem with my brother.******

**He well...hates me. He just hates me because I revolted and I know you did the****  
****same to him. How did you get him to not hate you as much? I know that you know****  
****who my brother is *cough*Arthur*cough* so help...please?******

**- Brigid O'Kelly a.k.a. Ireland**

Dudette, I haven't seen you since WW2! How ya been?

How did I get Arthur to like me again? Saved his ass in a few wars, our bosses started to work together… After that they forced us to spend time 'bonding' again and… it just… happened… well there's more to it, but he'd shoot me if I told you.

~Alfred

**Hiya Dad.******

**So, I was looking at your computer when you were away, and noticed that you****  
****were doing this... thing.******

**So, someone likes my hotness, huh? Yeah, I get all the chicks, and****  
****occasionally dudes too. I got used to it.******

**So dad, this guy (or at least he says he's real. I think I'm hallucinating)****  
****says he's your brother. He also says he's called 'Matthew' or something. He****  
****has a cute polar bear. Have I got an uncle?******

**How's life? Wanna go to Broadway with me sometime? Wear a tux - I can't ruin****  
****my smart, good looking reputation because of you.******

**New York/The Big Apple.**

Duuuude, Not cool. Those are confidential crap. Why were you in my room anyway? So you read it, huh? You didn't happen to see my reply? … Heh…

You don't remember Uncle Matty? Seriously? Duude, I thought you of all people, might remember. Not cool. The polar bear is called Kumakuchichi

Sure, but I'm wearing my flight jacket. Chicks (and Arthur) dig it.

~Alfred


	4. Advice 3

**HI! I'm so sorry for my hiatus! I sorta got sidetracked and then exams…. Yeah… so long chapter~**

**Dear Mr. Alfred,**

**I know you're probably not the best person to be asking this, but here it goes. I'm friends with the boy I love, but I'm not sure if he loves me back in that way. Could you give me some tips on how to get him to admit to me he likes me in that way?**

**Please and thank you,**

**Nutty Nerd**

**((i love this story. it's cute!))**

Yo~

Uhh… You could try just asking him, but most people don't like that… try spending a lot of time with him and just watch for natural signs. Ya know, things like he'll keep glancing at you, when he looks at you his eyes'll dilate a bit… look up 'How to tell he likes you' on Google~

Good luck!  
~Alfred

((Thank you! –hugs-))

**Dear Alfred,**

**I'm just gonna get to the point, my dad is like, a total bitch. First off, he like, is always threatening to make me lile, someone else's capital! He's a total sissy and like, only cares about his stupid ponies and that stupid Lithuania. What can I do to like, man him up and stop him, like, being so girly and notice me more.**

**Like, yours sincerely:**

**Warsaw, Capital of Poland.**

'lo Warsaw~

Hmm, I like Feliks and Toris… but if it bothers you that much, just maybe talk to him?

~Alfred

**Alfred,**

**It worked! She hasn't found me yet sure it's only been like two days but hell I'm overjoyed! I'm tempted to throw a party now . . . anyways thanks!**

**~Stabby**

Glad I could help dudette! I'm invited, right?

~Alfred

**Alfred,**

**I need some advice. What to do if you want people to notice and like you?**

**And how to react if someone is mocking you?**

**And finally, how to be happy and optimistic?**

**Thank you so much for reading this!**

**(by the way, I really like you and I think the you're the most awesome-wonderful-amazing-cool-beautiful-etc. hero in the world!)**

**Greetings from Lithuania!**

**~ OrangeIceCream**

Yo!

Being loud gets you a lot of attention, and talk to everyone and try and help them if you can!

If someone is mocking you you have a few options. Ignore them, pretend you don't know they are or mock them back.

The key to being happy and optimistic is looking for the bright side in situations. Broke? Making money gives you something to do. Dog went on the floor? You don't need to walk him. There's a bright side in everything if you look for it.

You're welcome! (And thanks! You're awesome too :D ))

~Alfred

**Alfred,**

**I did say not really! I don't hate you okay. It's just embarrassing to write that. And why do you know so much about dating advice?**

**~Cambodia**

Hello.

Good. And you realise what age I am? I've had… a lot of partners. Mainly humans. If certain nations don't date as much as me, it's their fault.

~Alfred

**WH-WH-WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?**

**DID- OH MY- I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!**

**HOW COULD YOU LET HIM SEE THAT?**

***sniffle***

**...**

***sits down in corner, blushing like crazy***

He hacked my personal computer and email dudette, what do you want me to do? D:

~A very sorry nation named Alfred.

**to the author: yey! i was waiting for something like this to come out! :D here's what i would call a tricky one though. update soon! ^^**

**to HERO!: Can you help me with a little problem? i need help in filling out this form! i'd be so glad if you could fill it out for me. :D as a hero, i know you can do it! please do your best!**

**from,**

**A. Nonymous**

**ps: the form is attached below.**

***attached file:**

**dear _,**

**i heard of your help service and would like to enlist your help in solving some of my problems. i need help in _ and _ because _. also, _ has given me many problems by _. please give me some advice!**

**sincerely,**

Uh… I… have no clue what you're asking me to do… heh…

((Heh … I know you waited ages for an awesome reply, but… I got nothing, I'm sorry! D: ))


End file.
